lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
