She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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