I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The Olympian is in my bed
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
