and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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