My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
