and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
