So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
