He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize