you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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