Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
