The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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