I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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