I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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