i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
