nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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