it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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