Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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