She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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