just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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