I love black thongs
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
