she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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