fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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