I'm jealous of your bromance
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
