She is in my trunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
