i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
