ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
