Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
