I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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