I can tuck mytits in my pants
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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