Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
