blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
