i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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