I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
