Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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