That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
