Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
