how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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