We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
