I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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