508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
