got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
