Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
