She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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