if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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