I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
