All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
