I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
