He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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