I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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