oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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