Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
