At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
