I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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