he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
