Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
