I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
