So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
