this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
