He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
