ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
