my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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