I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊