So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?