I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
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i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
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This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.