OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..