I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party