Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.