What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
